Starting back in college, I used to send out a weekly email update on Wednesdays. It was known as the “Wednesday Weekly Update”.
Today, while digging through old Yahoo Mail, I found a couple old ones from about three years ago. Granted, these are years after the WWU started, but I can’t find copies of the 93-99 versions, but these are good for a laugh.
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WEDNESDAY WEEKLY UPDATE
The weekly update into the life of Matt Stratton
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This week’s issue not even remotely sponsored by:
User Friendly
(Another great geeky comic strip)
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September 15, 1999 – In this issue:
Groovin’ with the Rio
The longest-running musical in Chicago
Know a geek looking for a job?
Where to find a great steak sandwich in Lincoln Park
========== GROOVIN’ WITH THE RIO ==========
On Monday, I received my latest toy…a Diamond Multimedia RIO Portable MP3 player.
What is that, you ask? Well, MP3’s are digital music files – they are CD-quality, and take up very little room. The Rio plugs into the PC and stores 32 MB of MP3 files (about an hour or so of music). You can make MP3’s from your CD’s (and yes, it is legal as long as you don’t give anyone else the MP3’s you make) or download them from the Internet at a site like mp3.com. There are lots of legal ones out there – many performers and bands distribute their music in this manner. Very cool. And because it is all digital, there are no moving parts, so it’s very small and doesn’t skip.
And the best part of it all? It only set me back fifty bucks. Yep. At Beyond.com there’s a $100 rebate on it that makes it $49. Whoo hoo. I highly recommend it.
========== THE LONGEST-RUNNING MUSICAL IN CHICAGO ==========
On Saturday night, I attended for the second time, what is the longest-running musical in Chicago. No, it’s not CATS or FOREVER PLAID…it is…
COED PRISON SLUTS at the Annoyance. And yes, it’s still funny. And I’m asking any of you…do we know someone in that show? Because the actor playing Hamster Man looked REALLY familiar…but maybe I just remember him from something else I’ve seen him in. Maybe he’s Milli-alum? Or possibly some friend of Chanzit’s?
========== KNOW A GEEK LOOKING FOR A JOB? ==========
You may have already gotten this message, but I again entreat you to consider any possible techies you know, who’d like to come work for CSC!We pay well, and it beats working for EDS. Anyway, here’s the deal – you refer someone to me for any of these positions, they get hired, stay for 90 days, I give you $1,000.
Heller Financial (Chicago Loop): SMS Scripting/Administration, Network Analyst (cisco)
Hyatt (Oak Brook Terrace): PowerBuilder, Informix 4GL, Information Security
Budget (Naperville): Peoplesoft HRMS, Web Developer, LAN/Email administration, AIX System Administration, AS/400 COBOL or RPG
GMLG (LaGrange): HP-UX system administration, IMS Development
We also are looking for Help Desk, PBX Administration, and Production Operations Support positions. However, for these three positions I can only give you $250 if the person gets hired and stays for 90 days. Forward any resumes or contact information for potential candidates to me at mstratton [at] hellerfin [dot] com.
====== WHERE TO FIND A GREAT STEAK SANDWICH IN LINCOLN PARK =======
Durkin’s, at Diversey and Halsted. However, it helps to get it after a couple beers – it tastes even better then. Oh, and the La Bamba in Chicago is not so good – not like in Champaign. Taco and Burrito Express (or Palace, I forget) is the appropriate Chicago replacement.
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WEDNESDAY WEEKLY UPDATE
The weekly update into the life of Matt Stratton
********************
This week’s issue not even remotely sponsored by:
Sluggy Freelance
(Another great geeky comic strip)
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September 29, 1999 – In this issue:
The cable guy blinded me with science
Scavenging for clues with Bumpin’ Like Christians
Christopher is now “wive”
Movie Review – DOUBLE JEOPARDY
========== THE CABLE GUY BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE ==========
On Friday, September 24, I entered a new stage in my geekdom.
A new technology, brimming with potential became part of my life. While
I’d been aware of the possibility, I had never really thought it could
happen to me. Imagine my thrill and excitement when those wonderful
folks at AT&T introduced me to
(fanfare)
DIGITAL CABLE
Yes, a highly skilled professional cable installer got me hooked up to
a bazillion kajillion channels. I get the Golf Channel, TVLand, The
Underwear Channel, The Spackle Channel, and Lifetime – Television for
Women.
And more importantly, my cable box is now hooked up to my phone line!
This means that when I have tired of watching soft porn on Skinamax, with
the click of a button, I can request the movie NAKED AMBITION, starring
Candy Biggles for the low, low price of $2.99! And all without having to
leave the comfort of my couch.
Of course, digital cable is more than just naked women for the price of
a Big Mac value meal – I can listen to DMX music, and even program the
cable box to remind me to watch Sex and the City on Sunday night on HBO. Talk
about convienence! How ever do you old-fashioned, analog cable people
get by? And I don’t even walk to think about the hellish existence that
offair antenna users must suffer. Can’t we get a telethon together for you
people?
======== SCAVENGING FOR CLUES WITH “BUMPIN’ LIKE CHRISTIANS” ========
As difficult as it was to tear myself away from my new toy, on Saturday
night I joined forces with Jason “God is my Copilot” Wyckoff, Dan “64
Ounces” Hay, Jen “I Am The Hottest Girl Any Of You Dorks Have Dated”
Schmitt, and Heather “I’m Not Running Around In The Dark In A Cemetary”
Jarrett to undertake the most challenging activity I have ever
undertaken.
JASON’S CHURCH’S TREASURE HUNT BONANZA
On September 25, 1999, four witty, urbane, sophisticated adults (and
Supa D) ventured into the western suburban night.
They were never heard from again.
Two days later, video footage is found. No trace of the participants is
discovered, except for an empty Red Bull can and some melted chocolate
cupcakes.
(CLOSEUP OF JASON IN STOCKING CAP, CRYING)
JASON: I’m sorry! I’m sorry I got us lost in Elmhurst. I’m sorry that I
didn’t bother to stop at the teepee clue! I’m sorry that I went back
for seconds on that pasta salad! But it’s me that you want…leave my
friends out of it! Don’t take your rage out on Matt! He was joking when he made
that comment about me dating the hottest girl ever!
(RUSTLING NOISES ARE HEARD FROM OUTSIDE THE VAN)
JASON: What’s that?!
(A HISSING SOUND IS HEARD)
(OFF CAMERA VOICE): Mwahahahahaha!
JASON: Oh no! The Cap’n has slashed our tires!
Alright, I’ve just realized that this is funny only to those of us who went on the
treasure hunt. Actually, it’s only funny to me. I apologize for wasting your time.
Now, on to the next subject.
========== CHRISTOPHER IS NOW “WIVE” ==========
Actually, Christopher has been “wive” (that’s five, in kidspeak) for two weeks now.
But we just celebrated it this past weekend. The kid made
out OK – he got a radio control truck from me and Legos from Jason. He also got some
clothes from my ‘rents. And Heather got him a Scooby Doo
towel.
====== MOVIE REVIEW – DOUBLE JEOPARDY =======
Last night, Jay and I attempted to go see AMERICAN BEAUTY, starring the greatest actor
of all time. No, I am not referring to Carrot Top.
Rather, I speak of the one, the only, the baddest mutha (shut your mouth!)
Hey, I’m just talking about Kevin Spacey.
Anyway, the stupid show was sold out. So instead we saw DOUBLE JEOPARDY. While this
was not the biography of Alex Trebeck that we had expected, it was an acceptable
film. Here’s a brief rundown of the good and badelements of this movie:
It features hottie Ashley Judd (good thing)
Said hottie is playing a mother, thus assuring us that we will probably not see
her naked (bad thing)
nipple (good thing)
Hottie kills husband (bad thing)
Hottie isn’t really a murderer, but was framed (good thing)
Hottie goes to jail anyway (bad thing)
Hottie goes to jail with other women (good thing)
Other women in jail are not hot, and they don’t wear the scanty clothing that
Cinemax has taught us to be the common uniform of female inmates (bad thing)
“getting buff” scenes (good thing)
Well, you get the idea. Oh, and Tommy Lee Jones is in this flick too.
Which is a Good Thing.
Livin’ la vida loca,
m.
********************
WEDNESDAY WEEKLY UPDATE
The weekly update into the life of Matt Stratton
********************
This week’s issue not even remotely sponsored by:
Bigtime Consulting
https://www.bigtimeconsulting.com/
(This is particularly funny if you, or someone you know, works for AC)
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October 6, 1999 – In this issue:
Some administrative details
My ongoing flirtation with the Penguin
Vertigo and Nausea in Gurnee
The Tenth Planet
Movie Review – AMERICAN BEAUTY
========== SOME ADMINISTRATIVE DETAILS ==========
First and foremost – I am VERY aware that this WWU is going out on
Thursday. As much as I’d like to be able to tell you that this is due
to massive overwork, alien invasion, or government conspiracy, the ACTUAL
reason is this:
I forgot.
Additionally, don’t forget that you can view the WWU archives or
subscribe to the WWU by visiting /wwu.htm.
======== MY ONGOING FLIRTATION WITH THE PENGUIN ========
I am not referring to the villain from Batman here. The Penguin I refer
to is Liunx. (For those of you who don’t know, Linux is a version of Unix
that runs on PC hardware. The mascot for Linux is a penguin. Get it?)
Anyway, I have decided to shuck the shackles of Win 2K on my home
machine, and install RedHat Linux again.
Jason posed the question – “Why are you doing this?”
I attempted to answer with valid logic – Linux is more stable, I want
to develop further Unix skills, etc.
The real reason is very simple – geek props. Yes, I have succumbed to
PEER PRESSURE. To be a real wirehead, you cannot run a mainstream OS like
Windows or the MacOS. You have to be running something powerful and
mysterious – something that requires you to have knowledge of the
kernel, egcs, and routed.
I will be using this space in the WWU to chronicle my attempts to
master this new system, as well as detail any new insights I discover.
So what’s the story so far? On Tuesday night I proceeded with my
installation of RedHat 6.0.
I had attempted to download 6.1 at work, but ftp.redhat.com was
overloaded. I figure I will update later. Installation proceeded very
smoothly – although I realized too late that I had neglected to
determine what video card I had installed, and when the X setup utility asked me,
I was unsure. However, I was fairly certain that it was a Mach64 based
card (it was) so no problems there.
I have KDE 1.1 installed. KDE is the K Desktop Environment – basically,
a GUI for Unix. The other option for this is GNOME – I had GNOME
installed before and wasn’t really happy with it. So I went with KDE this time.
As I understand it, *true* open-source geeks turn up their noses at KDE (has
something to do with the licensing of the Qt toolkit as opposed to GTK+
which is what GNOME uses…don’t worry, I don’t understand it either),
but I will use what I like. So there.
With the exception of kppp, I have pretty much gotten everything
running smoothly now. Kppp is the K PPP dialer – kind of like Dial Up
Networking in Win95. I have yet to get it to work properly, so to connect to the
Internet I have to launch linuxconf and enable the PPP link.
Not too big of a problem, but you have to have superuser equivalence to
run linuxconf, and I’m not about to give that to my roommate. So I will
have to puzzle that one out. Anyone have any ideas?
========== VERTIGO AND NAUSEA IN GURNEE ==========
On Saturday, Clint invited me to join him and Jay for the annual AC
outing to Great America.
I must admit, I enjoyed the ability to just walk on to any ride – no
lines! As Clint said, it really spoils you for visiting the park as a
“normal” person. Pshaw.
Rode Raging Bull for the first time. Clint talked me into sitting in
the front for it. The worst part of that ride was not the 75 MPH, 210′
vertical drop. It wasn’t the fact that it feels like there is nothing
holding you in. It is that LOOOOONG climb up the first hill. The
antici-(say it, say it, master, master) -pation (what the hell is
masturpation?) was killing me. All the way up I was saying to Clint “Hey, guess what?
I hate you. Did I mention that I hate you? Remind me to kick your ass
good when this is all over.” But it was really fun. Very intense. And we
managed to talk Kristi into riding the Giant Drop not once, but twice.
Apparently my greatest thrill on these rides is not the rush of speed,
but rather the fear of equipment failure. Which is why the American Eagle
is my favorite – it scares the hell out of me. Additionally, it gave me a
Charlie horse from being so cramped into those tiny seats.
Oh, we also rode the bumper cars. And ate funnel cake sundaes with The
Amazing Rando!
========== THE TENTH PLANET ==========
No, it’s not a sci-fi movie with Bruce Willis and Chris Tucker. Rather,
the British astronomer Dr John Murray believes he has discovered a
tenth planet orbiting our sun. This planet would be 30,000 AU away from our
sun (for reference, Pluto is only 10 AU away). This planet (which is
speculated to be larger than Jupiter), actually orbits the sun in the
opposite direction of the rest of the planets. And it takes almost six
million years to complete this orbit – which would explain why nobody
has discovered it yet.
Bear in mind that this is purely conjecture at this point. More
information can be gleaned from the BBC article at
https://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_467000/467572.stm.
====== MOVIE REVIEW – AMERICAN BEAUTY =======
(Contains spoilers – do not read if you want to be surprised)
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
AMERICAN BEAUTY is being hailed as one of the best films of the year.
Given that the other “remarkable” films have either been FX
extravaganzas (THE PHANTOM MENACE, THE MATRIX), shock farces (AMERICAN PIE, SOUTH
PARK), or Heather Graham showcases (BOWFINGER, AUSTIN POWERS 2), it is not
surprising that a well-written, brilliantly acted dark comedy is so
critically acclaimed.
I would accord AMERICAN BEAUTY a spot in my “Top 15” list. It is *not*
the best movie ever made. However, the photography was fantastic
(apparently Mendes shoots in VERY low light, and then prints it bright – which
results in a sharp, edged look, as well as a much cooler set).
I am not going to “review” this film, per se, as much as explain my
reactions to it.
AMERICAN BEAUTY (specifically, the character of Lester Burnham) created
an epiphany in my own life. No, it did not cause me to want to have sex
with underage girls, buy a muscle car, or smoke pot. Rather, his comments at
the end of the film made me re-evaluate some of my direction. Life IS
beautiful. Beauty is not a measure of physical attractiveness, as
Melrose Place would have us believe. And no matter how stupid and little we
think our lives may be, this existence is still nothing short of a miracle –
we live in amazing times, and all around us we can see beauty.
After viewing this film, I overheard some comments in the lobby. It
seems that quite a few people seem to think that AMERICAN BEAUTY is some type
of expose of American culture – how really messed up we all are. I think
that in a way, this is true. The Burhams and the Fittses reflect a society
where everything can be clean and pure on the surface, but it is simply
“a commercial to cover up how truly twisted we are” (that was paraphased
from the film, I’m sure it’s not an accurate quotation). However, that is
simply the surface of this movie – Lester demonstrates the ability to
escape that cover – and that to truly live and know the beauty we are
surrounded by, this is essential.
On a side note, Heather has informed me that “American Beauty” is a
type of rose as well.
What do you think? Let me know what this movie stirred up in you, or if
you were simply disturbed by the pedophiliac and homosexual themes.
m.
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WEDNESDAY WEEKLY UPDATE
The weekly update into the life of Matt Stratton
********************
This week’s issue not even remotely sponsored by:
Slashdot
(News for Nerds – Stuff That Matters)
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October 13, 1999 – In this issue:
Lessons learned in the wilds of Oregeon (Illinois)
Miscelleny
========= LESSONS LEARNED IN THE WILDS OF OREGON (ILLINOIS) =========
On Friday, October 8, five guys entered the Hansen’s Hideaway campsite
to partake in beer, Euchre, and canoeing.
They were never seen again.
A week later, Matt’s journal was found.
Oh wait, I did a BLAIR WITCH PROJECT thing a couple weeks ago. Never
mind.
So here are the things I learned on this campout:
Busch Light sucks ass.
Jay has an unnatural relationship with his sleeping bag.
Dan Hay doesn’t know how to score Euchre.
It’s not a very rustic camping trip if you keep checking your
voicemail.
getting funnier.
with insects.
Coleman fuel.
You can’t replace cake mix with frosting mix in a cobbler.
Being caught in a ladybug swarm is a frightening experience.
The top of Coleman lanterns get really hot after the lantern has been
on for three hours. I recommend not touching it. Ouch.
Dan Hay is very good at canoeing.
The rest of us suck ass at it.
I did learn a couple more things, but they are Top Secret Guy Things.
Sorry ladies – I just can’t share them.
======== MISCELLENY ========
Jay is still unstaffed.
I have one more week of swing lessons.
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy’s new album comes out on the 19th.
I would like someone to define the word “reet” for me, as in “the girl
I met today is so reet, petite, and light on her feet” or “She’s reet,
petite, and gone.”
Jay has unearthed some vintage footage recently. If you all ask nicely
there may be a project to compile it into “A Bunch of Dorks And A
Videocamera – A Retrospective.”
The Top Secret Swing Site is starting to come together. Watch this
space for developments.
I would also like to take this time to welcome the two newest
subscribers, Amrish Amin and Jennifer Schmitt. Welcome. And did I mention the Jen is
certainly one of the hotter girls that any of my friends have dated? (I
think I’ll be making up for that for at least a year and a half)
Oh yeah, and Kristi asked to be mentioned.
So, Kristi Whiteaker.
Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel,
m.
********************
WEDNESDAY WEEKLY UPDATE
The weekly update into the life of Matt Stratton
********************
This week’s issue not even remotely sponsored by:
Guess the Dictator/Sitcom Character
https://www.smalltime.com/nowhere/dictator/
(An amusing way to waste a few minutes online)
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October 27, 1999 – In this issue:
Letters From Readers
Return of The Simpsons
Australian Invasion
The Haunted Suburbs
Laurette is my friend
Movie Reviews – FIGHT CLUB and BRINGING OUT THE DEAD
========== LETTERS FROM READERS ==========
(Please note that the following letter is a compliation/paraphrasing of
various comments I’ve received, either via email, post, or verbal.
Please feel free to email YOUR letters to matt@52.25.237.31)
Dear Matt/Asshole/Punches/Crackhead,
Where was the WWU last week? My pathetic little life revolves around
it. And why is this one late?
Sincerely,
Concerned Reader
Dear CR,
Suck my ass. Nothing exciting happened last week. And I was busy this
week.
Kisses,
m.
(You know I’m just being my usual funny self and that I love you all)
Actually, I just had a good idea. Send me your questions about life,
love, or spanning tree algorithms, and I will answer them in a special
section of the WWU. You can remain anonymous, if you ask nicely.
========== RETURN OF THE SIMPSONS ==========
Those of you living in the Chicagoland area may have noticed about a
month ago, that the usual Simpsons 10:00 PM timeslot on Fox had been occupied
by Third Rock From the Sun.
What a travesty. I literally lost sleep over this, as viewing The
Simpsons before bed helps relax me. It’s been proven in medical journals and
everything. At least ones written by Dr. Nick.
Anyway…never fear. As of last Thursday, OFF (Our Favorite Family) is
back in their usual 10 PM slot again. A sigh of relief was breathed by
all.
========== AUSTRALIAN INVASION ==========
On Tuesday night, after spending time warring with a recalcitrent Fast
Ethernet blade on my Cisco 4700, I was lucky enough to have dinner with
two pretty cool Australians, Rae and Ray.
Oh yeah, Denny, Nina, and Tom were there too. But since they’re not
foreign, they don’t matter.
Actually, it was incredibly cool to finally get to meet Rae. The two of
them are just pretty darn nifty people. So now I need to get myself
assigned on a project in Australia to return the favor :-)
========== THE HAUNTED SUBURBS ==========
On Sunday evening, Dimitry, Alex, Toni, Heidi, and I ventured into the
wilds of Lombard.
We were never seen again.
Three days later, this email was found.
(I’m just seeing how long I can include a BLAIR WITCH reference in the
WWU)
I think there’s something wrong with me. Deep down, I might actually be
a Communist. I just don’t get haunted houses. The scariest thing about
them, to me, is walking into the wall and getting bruised. Combine that with
the annoying teenybopper gangstas behind us, and we have the experience of
Matt walking through dark hallways saying, “Dammit, I have to go to the
bathroom. Isn’t this over yet?”
Also, apparently Dimitry thought it was really funny to jump out at
Heidi and Toni.
It was.
Especially the 1,643,451 time.
However, there was one really cool part where they gave you 3-D
glasses, and the walls were painted in blacklight and 3-D phosphorescent paint.
VERY cool. Messed with the ol’ depth perception something awful.
========== LAURETTE IS MY FRIEND ==========
Laurette is my friend. I just thought I’d mention that, in case there
was any doubt.
======== MOVIE REVIEWS – FIGHT CLUB ========
(No real spoilers in here…but don’t read it if you have an unnatural
fear.)
FIGHT CLUB
“How much you know about yourself, you’ve never been in a fight?”
There’s some truth in this. The only fight I’ve ever been in was the
infamous Trapper Keeper incident of ’89, in which Jay and I threw some
wussy punches at each other until we passed out from exertion. Oh, and
I alledgedly got into a fight with Pom Kim in 7th grade – but that didn’t
count.
FIGHT CLUB is David Fincher’s high-speed, adrenaline-charged
anti-consumerism manifesto. The directing is quick and dirty, with the
result being a two-hour experience that is (to paraphrase Fincher)
“downloaded” into the audience. Like an auto accident, you want to look
away, to recenter yourself, to reassure your intellect that “this is
not happening,” but you cannot.
I can only respond to this movie as a male. Women may this this
differently. I came away from FIGHT CLUB impressed by Fincher, but a
little angry at him for unearthing emotion and feeling that we have
worked hard to repress. In today’s society, the things that make a man a man
are no longer needed – yet the biological urges are still there. Instead of
fighting off tigers, we battle network routes. Rather than provide for
our families with physical prowess, it has been intellectualized. But yet
we still find ourselves with the urge to “destroy something beautiful.”
The primal rage is bottled up in our consumerist persona – and it seeks an
outlet. For the characters in FIGHT CLUB, that outlet is Fight Club – a
loosely organized weekly meeting of men who pound the crap out of each
other.
Fincher seems to have difficulty deciding whether he respects or abhors
his protagonist. You leave the theater unsure if Tyler Durden has the
right idea, or is fucked in the head. This is either the result of
either brilliant or sloppy filmmaking.
I prefer to think of FIGHT CLUB as the former.
Look for my review of BRINGING OUT THE DEAD after I’ve had a chance to
go see it again. That, and BEING JOHN MALKOVICH.
m.