I can’t wait for the winter to be over. Especially this month.
Decembers are traditionally bad for me. For a while, every other December, something truly horrible would happen to me. It started the Decemember when I was 16; my grandfather passed away. The next December was relatively quiet. Then, when I was 18, I was suicidal (wow, that’s revealing a lot. Please disregard that statement. It’s none of your business). The next December was actually bad, now that i think about it; my friend Rob choked to death that month (wow, I haven’t thought about Rob in a while). The next December (which should be the next “bad” one), I had another suicidal episode. Oh wait. That wasn’t in December. It was in October. Then the next December was cool. The following December I got separated. (I’m trying to figure out if this is a “bad” one this year or not…but I can’t keep track).
Actually, as much as life can suck right now, it’s not what I could call a bad time. Here are the bad things:
1) I have no job and am struggling financially.
2) I have growing feelings for a woman who lives in another state and probably has no interest in me (and it’s not Shana).
3) I got fat again.
4) I barely ever see my best friend anymore, and I think she and I are drifiting.
5) My business partner is looking less and less like he’ll ever get his sorry ass to Chicago.
But the good things are:
1) I am living with two completely AWESOME people, and still managing to do enough little side projects to pay my bills and not starve. I’m actually quite far from starvation (see Point 3 above).
2) If this woman ever expressed an interest in me, I’d probably just lose interest anyway, so this is par for the course.
3) So what if I got fat? It’s the winter. It’s insulation. I have nobody to blame but myself for this one. The problem isn’t that I got fat, it’s that I am still lazy :)
4) It’s the winter. T and I live in different neighborhoods now. But we had a fun conversation the other day. So I’m just paranoid, probably.
5) My good friend and business partner has a wonderful girlfriend and it’s truly something great (and completely bizarre) to witness.
So anyway, December will soon be over, and slowly spring will come around, and everything will get fixed, as it always does.
But in the meantime, I still stare at the picture of the girl in item 2, and it just makes me ache. There’s gotta be a way I can use that in a script.
m.