This hurts, but it’s funny

Chicago Cubs to St. Louis Cardinals Conversion Form

Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of

the St. Louis Cardinals Fan Club. Due to an

unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently

processing only fan conversion registrations for

Chicago Cub fans. Conversion requests from other

teams will be accepted once all Cub requests are

processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks

based on the current backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion

form below to help us get to know you better and

prescribe any required counseling to recover from

your previous fan experience.

Name: __________

Last First MI

(Please Print)

Address:________________

________________

Please indicate the last time you watched the

Chicago Cubs win the World Series:

[ ] 1908 (Please leave this form at the front desk

of your nursing home)

[ ] Have never witnessed this event

Please indicate your favorite moments in Cubs

history: (Check all that apply)

[ ] Lou Brock traded to the Cardinals for Ernie

Broglio in 1964

[ ] The College of Coaches in the early 60�s

[ ] Lee Smith grooving a fastball to Steve Garvey in

game 4 of the 1984 NLCS.

[ ] Brant Brown dropping a fly ball in 1998 which

forced a 1 game playoff with the Giants.

[ ] Grounder goes between Leon Durham’s legs during

game 5 of 1984 NLCS

[ ] Fan interfering with Foul Ball during game 6 of

2003 NLCS.

[ ] Leo Durocher’s AWOL visit to his sons Military

School during 1969 pennant run.

[ ] A Black Cat running in front of Ron Santo during

critical 1969 series in Shea Stadium.

[ ] Future Hall of Famer Greg Maddox not tendered

offer and signs with Atlanta Braves.

[ ] Atlanta Braves featuring Greg Maddox sweep Cubs

out of 1989 playoffs

[ ] Don Young dropping the fly ball in 1969

[ ] Mark Grace not tendered offer by Cubs, signs

with Diamondback and wins World Series.

[ ] Manager Lee Elia’s profanity filled tirade at

beginning of 1983 season.

[ ] Sammy Sosa getting caught using a corked bat

during 2003 season.

[ ] Cubs blow 8 game late August lead and finish 8

games behind 1969 Mets.

[ ] Cubs reliever Dickie Noles drinks full case of

beer and attacks Cincinnati police after game.

Reasons you believe the Cubs have not won a World

Series since 1908: (Check all that apply)

[ ] The curse of the goat

[ ] Lack of managing

[ ] The curse of the goat

[ ] Lack of pitching

[ ] The curse of the goat

[ ] Lack of hitting

[ ] The curse of the goat

[ ] Lack of Defense

[ ] The curse of the goat

[ ] Bad Calls by umpires

[ ] The curse of the goat

Have you experienced any of the following after

another inevitable Cubs loss: (Check all that

apply)

[ ] Headache

[ ] Uncontrollable anger

[ ] Heartache

[ ] Holes punched in doors or walls

[ ] Nausea

[ ] Smashed TV Screens

[ ] Depression

[ ] Avoided Cardinals and White Sox Fans for days

Is October your least favorite time of year

[ ] Yes [ ] No

Are You tired of saying ‘Wait til next year’?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

Are you ready to admit that:

a. Stan Musial was better than Ernie Banks?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

b. Bob Gibson was better than Fergie Jenkins?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

c. Ozzie Smith was better than Ryne Sandberg?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

d. Mark McGwire was better than Sammy Sosa?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

e. Jack Buck was better than Harry Caray?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

f. Tony LaRussa is a managerial genius?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

g. The next Cub century will be no better than the

last?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

h. Budweiser is better than Oldstyle?

[ ] Yes [ ] No

Once you have completed this form, please forward to

Busch Stadium. Then burn all of your remaining Cub

clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After

reviewing your request, the Cardinals Fan Club will

contact you with notification of acceptance or

rejection.

If accepted, you will receive:

A recommended recuperation program which includes

a recording of ‘Meet me in St Louis’ over and

over again.

An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2004

playoff series at Busch Stadium.

Posters of Lou Brock and Bruce Sutter in Cardinal

uniforms.

A Dart board sporting the picture of Sammy Sosa.
A copy of our popular handbook, ‘Harassing Cub

fans for fun and profit’.

A Coupon for a future poster of Mark Prior and

Kerry Wood in Cardinals unforms.

A one year subscription to a weekly support group

for ex-Cub fans in your area.

If rejected, you will receive:

Our pity and condolences, plus a 10 second video

capturing the past 100 years of Cub highlights in

head-to-head competition against the Cardinals

narrated by Larry Biitner.

I hereby renounce the Chicago Cubs for all eternity

on this the ____ day

of _______\__, 200____

_______________

(Signed)

__________________

(OfficeUse only)

[ ] Approved

[ ] Declined

This hurts, but it’s funny

See Also